Wednesday, September 30, 2009

what happend since 7/1/09

Almost way too much has happened for me to begin to explain. I took a hiatus from this because, honestly, I had to hide. I am back and going to try to put the truth and wisdom I once held.

It's 11:19.

I failed to inform you of the changes in my life. As you know I moved to Los Angeles at the end of July. Since moving here I have been employed by True Tattoo in Hollywood. I got the job out of pure luck and persistence. After being here for 6 days I had the gig. Everyday working there was like being in middle school again. I was akward, quiet, embarrassed, confused. Like being thrown into a pit of bullies that have all the tools to being you down. It wasn't all bad. The money was good and the experience was better. The first few weeks was a test of my commitment to the shop and whether or not I could hack it. After the guys realized that I could take shit and keep rolling they took me under their wing. I have never had an older sibling. The guys at the shop were like that to me. They beat me up and made fun of me, but at the end of the day they held me up and dusted me off, put money in my hand and patted me on the back. Too bad I got fired for some bullshit two weeks ago. Without getting into the details I'll just say it was totally FUBAR. The guys were even suprised when it happened. I'm not banished from the shop or anything, but I don't have that nice cash income anymore which brings me to my present situation. BROKE AND DRIFTING.

I have been on the hunt for a full time gig since arriving here. The shop gave me a cushion that coasted me along but now that I don't even have money to eat or pay my share of bills it feels really shitty. I am far away from anything that could bail me out or help me make some quick money. So I apply for jobs, and more jobs, then some more. I hear back from about 4% of these jobs. It's very discouraging but I rage on non-the-less.

What did I come out here for? It's been two months and I'm not really sure what I'm doing here yet. I miss home, I miss Kimmi, I miss my family and my friends. I miss having that security, even if it is in a small shallow pond. I can say the things that I have learned out here so far is that I cannot quit. I cannot stop myself from trying. I have to keep pressing to find a job I enjoy that will lead to a better life and career. I can also tell you that I will not be a lifer in this Babylon.

I want to sweep you off your feet. Nothing I say can make the pain go away from what I did. But I'm going to do you right and have some porch time.

It's not fall in LA, but I can feel it in my heart.