Tuesday, June 23, 2009

18 minutes to sunrise

ok, i have 18 minutes of battery and im going to slur thoughts down.
im sitting at a show in romeo michigan, it's loud, empty and boring. the tour so far with knights is awesome. all the bands are hella sweet and they are all super positive about what we are doing. the shows havn't had the best turn outs yet, but the midwest sucks so we will have to see what happens as we get further south, then west. things with the band have been better since i dont show any emotion towards them. i just shine it on and hope they back off a bit. i think that is probably my best approch. I made some money last night off merch, that was a huge moral builder. we stayed in a hotel halfway between the show last night and tonights show. i fell asleep in the van and was woken up at 9am by the locks on the door going apeshit. the electical in the van is starting to have serious issues. i stumbled to the room and was without a pillow or blanket and so i was on the floor with shorts and sleeveless shirt. it was a cold night. i didnt sleep much at all. i would wake up every hour or so. around 11 i decided to just shower and get up. it felt good to just lay around the hotel all day. knights was in the room next to us so it was just a hangout all day.
single now. im not sure how to feel either. i miss her but i dont miss the way i was behaving. i was torturing myself for no reason. i have to control that behavior and grow up. i really have no interest in dating or fucking around with anyone. i'm really just enjoying being on the road and hanging with dudes. i could use some alone time for sure, but this is what it is for now and i am content. I want kimmi to stay in my life. she is far too fucking important to not have around. she knows me better than anyone and i know i can still call her and talk. i am not doing anything differently with her. i still tell her i love her and that i want to see her. all very true. im just not acting like a luntic wondering what she is doing at home because i know she is not going to lie to me. i know that if there was another guy she would tell me. i just really hope that there isn't.
i am unsure what is going to happen at the end of this tour. i want to stay on the road for as long as i can. i want to keep moving up through different bands till i land something that is substantial that will gain me contacts and help me get the ball rolling on some of my ideas. i just have to network, thats really the name of the game. it's all about who you know and how hard you're willing to work to get there. the sacrifices you're willing to make to pursue what you want. (i dont think im sacrificing kimmi, we just needed the space)

let's hope i can keep up with this a little better, i haven't been able to get internet for the last 3 days and i was just lazy when i was home.

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