early you

since you're the only one who reads this blog, this is more of a testament to you.

I have been going through pictures in my iphoto and iphone from the last few years. I have stories for all of these but one is the most important. One says love. love in a way i have never known. when we flash back to 2007 those first few weeks of getting to know one another and that instant love. I never forget those days, I only remember the best of times.

the night is alive

this is the night. warehouse, texts, calls. more details to come. I'm just too tired to pan all these thoughts out.

sink your teeth into this.

10-10-09

what a day!

woke up today after a crazy dream. i can't recall the specifics, but it was pretty out there. Cory woke me up to ask if i wanted to go to pasadena to go to the rose bowl to see ucla against oregon. not much of a question if you ask me. it's free, fun, something different, and somewhere i have always wanted to go. met with one of cory's oldest friends and his wife. they provided the tickets, beer, food and the ride. awesome people. it's something about folks from indiana, or the midwest in general. we are just real people. the more im out here the more hoosiers i meet. i really dont care to hang out with anyone else. it's like bratpack part deux.
after the game we came back, talked to kimmi, delt with some old issues that really shouldn't be issues anymore. i'm glad that it was resolved. around 7 cory and i went to see drunk and shameless. a variety act of drunken sing-a-longs. sarah, brad, kenny, christine, tad, and others were in attendence. but that really hits the specifics.

i have been writing music and recording some. it's definetly something i should have been doing a lonnnnng time ago. but now i am just going to do it. if i have the down time, i need to be working on something for myself. i have to remain busy. i cant just sit around and think about how bad the situation can suck. i have to work for myself when i have nothing else going on. i need a pet and i will be working on a few ideas. all the scheming i ever did is going to turn to reality. i'm just going to do it. the resources are here for a lot of my ideas. so if you know of any 'dumb schemer ideas' (yes im asking you a question via blogger) then i want you to remember them for me. i smoke a lot of weed.

here are some pictures from the day. they aren't much. i really wish i had a nice digital camera.









new phone background. wowzers.

Truth in here

Thanks for the wisdom Kevin Smith. I learned about love vicariously through your movies all through high school.

can't come up with anything to write about. why am i so blocked up? is there a brain laxitive i could take? oh yeah, it's called alcohol and weed. i'm too poor to afford either.

let's just write a string of thoughts and see where it goes.

i've seen this movie 5 times now, it makes me feel better about certain things. i want to write a dracula rock opera.
i dont own any star wars movies, that needs to be fixed soon.
i miss my creature comforts.
i want to see kimmi.
i want to see my mom
i'm half tempted to get up and start cleaning.
cleaning is better done stoned.
i am so far removed.
i have escaped the real world.
fuuuuuuuuuck i'm lame
this is not exactly the way i thought it would turn out.
i think one of my teeth might fall out.
this is a great scene in this movie.


am i really this lame?
where did i go?
am i going to be ok?
when will this turn around?
when will i know when the time is right?

i want to be writing like i use to.
i want to grow my hair to my ass just to say i did it.
i want to get my song writing together.

it's too late for this. 3:33am

whatever,

this was almost poetry. the poetry of a jumbled mind.

what happend since 7/1/09

Almost way too much has happened for me to begin to explain. I took a hiatus from this because, honestly, I had to hide. I am back and going to try to put the truth and wisdom I once held.

It's 11:19.

I failed to inform you of the changes in my life. As you know I moved to Los Angeles at the end of July. Since moving here I have been employed by True Tattoo in Hollywood. I got the job out of pure luck and persistence. After being here for 6 days I had the gig. Everyday working there was like being in middle school again. I was akward, quiet, embarrassed, confused. Like being thrown into a pit of bullies that have all the tools to being you down. It wasn't all bad. The money was good and the experience was better. The first few weeks was a test of my commitment to the shop and whether or not I could hack it. After the guys realized that I could take shit and keep rolling they took me under their wing. I have never had an older sibling. The guys at the shop were like that to me. They beat me up and made fun of me, but at the end of the day they held me up and dusted me off, put money in my hand and patted me on the back. Too bad I got fired for some bullshit two weeks ago. Without getting into the details I'll just say it was totally FUBAR. The guys were even suprised when it happened. I'm not banished from the shop or anything, but I don't have that nice cash income anymore which brings me to my present situation. BROKE AND DRIFTING.

I have been on the hunt for a full time gig since arriving here. The shop gave me a cushion that coasted me along but now that I don't even have money to eat or pay my share of bills it feels really shitty. I am far away from anything that could bail me out or help me make some quick money. So I apply for jobs, and more jobs, then some more. I hear back from about 4% of these jobs. It's very discouraging but I rage on non-the-less.

What did I come out here for? It's been two months and I'm not really sure what I'm doing here yet. I miss home, I miss Kimmi, I miss my family and my friends. I miss having that security, even if it is in a small shallow pond. I can say the things that I have learned out here so far is that I cannot quit. I cannot stop myself from trying. I have to keep pressing to find a job I enjoy that will lead to a better life and career. I can also tell you that I will not be a lifer in this Babylon.

I want to sweep you off your feet. Nothing I say can make the pain go away from what I did. But I'm going to do you right and have some porch time.

It's not fall in LA, but I can feel it in my heart.